he loves me....

I realized this whole thing has been like that game with a flower. Where u pull out a petal at a time, alternating "he loves me...", "he loves me not..." In my case, i end up with the latter.

It's such a hard truth to swallow but I think he's finally gotten what he wants. For me to be out of his life, and for him not to be a part of mine. He's succeeded. I congratulate. Before he would hurt me so bad, and that was primarily because of surprise. It was something I wasn't expecting. I never thought he could do the things he's done to me. That's why the pain/betrayal hurt so badly. The difference with it now is it doesn't hurt. Because it doesn't surprise me anymore when he acts so heartless.

The irony of it all is I should have known. Right from the beginning when I had my intuition tell me otherwise. I had joked with him at the time that I didn't think he was a "nice" person. Again, a joke at the time. A premonition now? Quite possibly.

But you live and learn, right? Well I'm done beating myself about it. It's time to pick a new flower, hopefully a better one this time. Which would be one where I don't have to pluck the petals. I would just know as is.