A Mirror Image

Crazy thing just happened to me today. I've been talking to this guy, someone I've recently met, a stranger, a nobody. So for some time, we converse in emails (cuz that's all we exchanged at the time that we met). The emails were always harmless, the usual getting to know each other routine, talking about our day, commenting about each other's day, a little picking on one another and so on. Well tonight, this gentleman, we'll call him Chris (maybe cuz that is his real name), Chris here asks if I would like to see some of his pictures from his Aspen trip a month ago. Now keep in mind, he's a bit older, a bit more mature then I, well established as a successful banker or another. All I knew was that he made pretty good money to have gone to Aspen, Bora Bora and next is Ireland in a month. So of course, I'm wanting to see these fabulous pictorials. He asks very innocently, if i want to see the goofy ones too. Well of course I do! So he shoots me another email with 3 attachments.

1st pic was beautiful, I'm assuming it's him in the far background, skiing atop of a soft snowy mountain with an endless sea of identical mountains engulfed all around. It was breathtaking. Next photo was of Chris again, trying to juggle various musical instruments at a restaurant and acting silly. The 3rd is another one of Chris wearing his ski mask indoors but dressed only in a t-shirt and shorts being even sillier. Now, these all seemed like fine normal pictures. But then I went back to the 2nd. Not rly sure why, but I did, and there, I spotted the HUGE yet very subtle detail...........his left hand.............his left finger.............a ring! A good ol' solid gold band wrapped around the finger we all call "the ring finger." Hmm.......strange I thought and so of course, I confront him.

Needless to say, he was a bit speechless. He obviously didn't realize the ring was showing and/or that I was going to be that observant. But hey, I'm a woman, its in our bones. So after much fidgeting he says, "I'm not sure what to say." I respond, "how bout just the truth." So he explains, yes, its a wedding ring, and yes he is married BUT (u ladies knew there was a 'but' coming) BUT it's an unhappy marriage......and not rly a marriage, marriage. Now for most of you, you'd be down right upset by now. But, I have to defend him a little. He never technically hit on me, he never rly flirted with me or tried to see me again or get together..........at least YET. But right!!! Why did he even talk to me in the 1st place and why did he ask to exchange email addresses?

Of course, like the typical man, he's apologizing left and right, saying he wanted to tell me, thought about telling me, and that he wasn't sure what was happening exactly bt us. but I'll tell u what was happening, he wanted me to be "the other girl." But, I just simply replied, it's fine and that I just hope he figures out whatever he's trying to figure out and to take care. I just bowed out gracefully.

I know some of you are upset that I didnt do more, or say more to him. But rly, I wasnt upset at him, I was more.....hmmm.......humored u can say. I know it's not funny. But THIS happening to ME (and I should add the word "again") was pretty damn amusing. Especially happening tonight out of any other night. Maybe it's me, these kinds of things always seem to happen. I always get myself in situations with unavailable men. Guys with girlfriends and/or wives always come toward my direction. They seem to know how to always find me.

Chris isn't even the issue. He was just some guy I hardly knew, a stranger, a nobody. The bigger issue is that this, happening tonight, out of all nights, after going thru last night with *him. Is it merely a repeat, a mirror image, to show that the *other very similiar situation that happened, JUST the night before, is merely just as bad as this" bad news Chris" is? Am I supposed to sit back and be entertained at this ironic yet somewhat poetic night? How and why is this so similar to last night? What am I to make of all this? That, all the good guys are taken, and all the guys that are taken are rly just assholes camouflaged by their girlfriends?

So what should I do about *him, the other guy......

Dear Resolution...

.....im failing already.

Belated New Year's Resolution

First off, I cannot log into my original blog spot, so I guess this will be my new home. Anyone interested in reading any of my old stuff, check out http://kyungkim.blogspot.com/

Now.....it's been a long time. And with consistent insomnia, being 4 am on a Weds right now, my mind is in a whirlwind. Maybe that's why I cant sleep. All this constant thinking, and, thinking of the same shit over and over. It's getting old. It's becoming fermented shit, if that's even possible. So I figured, I need to do some spring cleaning as u may call it. I've decided to make a resolution for myself. Granted, its well into 2009, AND, I've probably made this resolution about 300x now. But this time it's different. Different perhaps because I am writing it down, and, for the whole world to see.

What am I cleaning up first u ask? What else but the men in my lives. Besides the lack of, I really need to cut myself off from these few guys that seem to linger in my life. And not linger in a "mmm still can smell the fresh cotton scent in my linens weeks later" way, but in the "wtf is that stench and why has it not left yet" kind of way. I consider myself to be a pretty smart lady. And I'm sure I can find some friends, maybe a handful that would agree. So why do I constantly set myself up to get rejected, one way or another? When I know these guys are "just not that into me" or deep inside, I know the inevitable of being let down will and do occur. The key word is "do" kids. Is it the consistent feeling of hope, even though minute in size, big on factor? Hmph! I'll never know. Nor do I care anymore to even find out. But what I do know is I need to let go, move on, get rid of ALL of these pestering male icons in my life. And regain my self assurance. I need to live by the words I preach to other singles, that it's okay to be alone. It's okay not to have anyone to call your own. It's okay not to get that attention and affection we all want and desire.............oh what the hell...................

fuck it.

Boot Camp (week 1)

So as most of you know, a group of girls, lately called crazy, joined a boot camp. We did it to get fit, body & mind, and now more importantly, to see if we can do it. These chicas locas, aka Sam, Catina, Gaytra and i, Kim, finished week 1 out of 6, 4 days out of 24. We are all STILL breathing, moving, and in one piece. The 1st couple of days were brutal for most of us with post muscle soreness. Lots of soaking in epsom salt and marinating in tiger balm! I personally thought I was going to tear every strand of muscle in my legs! (would that make my thighs smaller at least?)

Anyhoo, no regrets here! At least not yet. Besides the initial pain, I think the girls will all agree that its thus far, one amazing experience we are having, and fortunate to be sharing altogether. I've created this blog for myself, as a diary of this extraordinary hurdle, as well as a way to share it with the rest of you lazy asses........i mean friends =) ENJOY!!!

Day 1: June 2 (Mon)
- every morning we warm up with a run

- immediately after, they taught us diff muscle training activities

- then they wanted to log how many pushups in 30 sec we can do

- the coaches always made sure we were doing the exercises properly & gave us great motivation

- next was sit ups in 30 sec

- then squats....GO GAYTRA!! BIKINI BIKINI BIKINI !!!

- THEN blurpees (dont be fooled by the funy cute name, this workout is far from cute!)


at the end of day 1, we were all feeling tired and sore, relieved and proud, worried and scared!


Day 2: (Tues)

- warmed up again with a mile run. most were sorer and slower. SHE must be a veteran >:(



- after our usual drills, and after our 8 min track run training, we were introduced to our 1st circuit. Groups of 4-5 at one station for 30 sec, then quickly rotating to another station that consisted of diff activities. There were 5 diff stations total. One was Slamball where u held anywhere from 10-20 lbs balls and then slammed down on the ground. Great for muscle toning, stress relieving, and fighting couples ;)



- there was also the Cowbell station where u swing anywhere from 10-50 lbs cowbell shaped objects between ur legs and out. Just be careful u dont let go of it during a swing!



- these are the resistance bands to work our arms. but we ALSO had to do squats at the same time. Didnt want the legs to feel neglected now. We had about 3 rounds of this til it was end of Day 2! Phew!



Day 3: (Thurs)

- this was a killer day, meaning they were trying to kill us. Again, after our normal warm up run, which was now on concrete UPHILL, they introduced us to the Tangela. Sounds yummy........well its NOT. This was another circuit course with 4 stations where we had to do 5 rounds for vets, 4 for newbies. We were also being timed.

- this station was to do...

10 8-count bodybuilders
20 spiderman planks
20 mt. Climbers each leg

(this is where i got my war wound on my arms)

- then 30 jumping rope, followed by 30 tuck jumps



- u also had to do 10 slamballs and then run up a flight of stairs and do the cross over lunges, then down the stairs to do some more cross over lunges.



- goal for the newbs were 4 rounds of all this, but most might not have made it. But we all survived it. And that was end of Doomsday 3.



Day 4: (Fri)

- another warmup run, quickly followed by our normal muscle exercises. Then we did pushups, situps, and lunges, each for 30 sec, 8 rounds each back to back. Quickly after, we learned the Tabata. A 3 man team circuit consisting of....

100 Diamond pushups

100 lunge steps

100 ankle taps

50 burpees

AND running halfway down the field and doing 20 moutain climbers each leg and running back!

Luckily we ended the day with something a little more fun. Another team game with 7 players each competing with one another.




- 1st was passing the weight ball back til everyone had a chance to be in front. Then the team quickly runs to the middle of the field and does team jumping jacks (30), team lunges (til next cone)



- My team was in the lead til the last stretch, when the team behind us, passed us in the final stage of the wheel barrel.



1 week down, 5 more to go!



Thank you all who have been very supportive. And check back to this blog for updates! And i encourage ppl to leave comments on here cuz the other ladies will be reading it. Give them luv <3 <3 <3 <3